I am the impression that will transform itself. It would take so little for me to understand all this and assent to it. Just one step, and my misery would turn into bliss. But I can’t take that step; I have fallen and I can’t pick myself up."
I should have stayed on the wooden ledge by the window with the old books stacked beside me and prayed a thousand prayers until dawn, for now I am rested but bored and unused, as if my rest had been undeserved, and so become a burial instead of a birth; and now the morning has nothing and the evening will have nothing. oh for the ledge, and wholeheartedness I felt when no one was around and campus felt dissolved into my brain. what is the good? it has to be moments like those. it has to be the feeling of being present and alive, unflinchingly active, still and just bustling inside, beside the moon, by the window, with the world so close in a book.